Feelin' "The Mouth"

Have you ever tried to play poker with someone that has no idea? Have you ever smiled at someone that just caught a gutter that they had no business chasing and said, "nice hand dude". Well I just went through it over and over and over again less than 12 hours ago.

Now I know why Mike Matusow blows up, I know why some poker pros hate playing against the young amateurs. Now I'm not saying that my game is anywhere near that of Mike Matusow or our Hero, or Phil Ivey or even Jamie Gold for that matter, but geez, there has to be a limit to the stupidity that can be tolerated at a poker table. So I am coming up with a few rules off the top of my head that I will try my best to adhere to in upcoming games.

1. Anyone that is making "what the hell" calls a half hour into a poker game should be banned.
2. Anyone that is too intoxicated to shuffle or deal cards in a self deal game should be banned.
3. Anyone who spills a beer onto a poker table when he is reaching for his hole cards should be banned.
4. Anyone who justifies chasing a gutter after 2 post flop bets by saying "well I had to run with my 5-6 off suit" should be banned.
5. Anyone who thinks that calling down someone with King high is a wise play, especially when there's an ace on the board should be banned.

Now how will I try to adhere to these rules? Simple, if I hear of anyone that is supposed to be playing in a game that I am invited to, and is a perpetrator of any of the above listed behaviors, I will take the night off. I will not invite anyone to my home to play poker that has exhibited the above mentioned behaviors. I will not politely smile and say "nice hand dude" to anyone who commits any of the above poker felonies any longer, they will be berated by myself, mercilessly. I PROMISE.